Not Pretty Enough to Be Loved

When I was a baby, my parents went to church with a group of folks who also attended the local University. There was one couple we would run into from time to time as the years rolled on. The husband was a very handsome man who was made even more handsome by his mild and kind demeanor. His wife was okay-looking, although very bright, intellectual, and kinda feminist and edgy. By no means was she a bombshell. Her hair was clean but unkept, her clothes mediocre, and she wore no makeup to brighten her dark, sunken eyelids.

She was blind.

Her husband was (and still is) crazy about her. He would say how lucky he felt to be in love with such an amazing woman. And he was right. She was amazing.
We ran into them again when I was a teenager. I marveled at their girls with all their father’s beauty and little goggles over their barely-functional eyes. I remember allowing this woman to touch my face to understand the features I had grown into. She really was exceptional. But, like a teenager would, I thought to myself,

“Her husband is so hot, even for an older guy. It seems like a waste of his beauty.”

I knew it was awful in the moment I thought it, but think it I did, for many years, and in other more horrible ways.
Every so often I would note an acquaintance here and there, how extremely big they were, or unfortunately homely they were and pity them, assured they could never be pretty enough to attract a loving partner. I mean, look at me—I’m really pretty for a fat girl and I can’t get anyone to be interested in me.

And then this acquaintance would find someone. And their guy was actually pretty cute. And the relationship would work out. And then I would watch them get married and have sweet little kids and a functional home life. And these women would continue to be happy and sweet and loving and fulfilled.
I watched it happen enough to realize I had missed a memo somewhere.
What I discovered from much soul-searching is that the standards of others don’t determine the love we attract. 

We attract love equal to the amount of love we have for ourselves. We seek out and accept what we believe we deserve.

It sounds really new age-y, but this goes for love, money, and any other desire. It’s true. The Divine holds you in the highest esteem, and assumes you are worthy of anything you want or need. It’s our Thoughts and Beliefs that trigger feelings and actions…and shut us off from what we want most.

Perhaps it was a blessing to be blind. She didn’t have his looks to intimidate her until she convinced herself she wasn’t pretty enough for such a handsome man. All she could rely on was his soul. And he felt seen for who he really was. And they were a perfect match in wit and kindness. Equal beauties, equally deserving.

Take the old script telling you why you can’t fulfill your desires and light that shit on fire.

That’s what I learned today.

Visit me on Facebook and tell me your old script—we can write a new one together.